


Forgiveness

by tjmystic



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 03:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tjmystic/pseuds/tjmystic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between eps 3x9 and 3x10:  Neal asks his father a tough question about his ability to see the future</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgiveness

Forgiveness   
25 Days of Christmas Ficathon

For: all my friends and followers

Rating: PG

Author’s Note: This is my official apology to my friends for all the drama that’s been going on over the past few days. I hate drama, I hate being the source of drama, and I’m sure you guys hated me at least a little bit for being so involved in it. Anyway, I’m really sorry, and I hope you enjoy.

 

Gold looked down at the clouds sailing under his feet as he stood on the bow. He’d never expected to set foot on this ship again, but, now that he was, he couldn’t help but savor every second of it. The wind in his hair, the low drum of happy conversation all around him, the magical lack of pain in his ankle. And, amazing as it was to think about, it would only get better once they got back to Storybrooke. He’d pricked himself at least five times just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. 

Henry was safe now that Pan was gone, locked away where no one could hope to reach him. His intent to die on the island a hero was gone, replaced with a desire to live as a hero with a family by his side. A family with Belle and whatever she wanted to give him. Best of all, a family with Bae.

The sound of footsteps creaking up the stairs distracted him from his thoughts. He expected Regina, lonely again now that Henry was safe and she was one more unwanted, or David, come to ask if he truly meant to uphold his end of the bargain. He didn’t expect the man he’d just been thinking of. 

“Hey, Papa,” he murmured, marching up the deck on stiff legs. “Enjoying the view?” 

Gold turned to face him as he backed away from the rail, leaving enough space for his boy to join him if that was what he wanted. He didn’t seem to notice, though, his eyes downcast and his hands jammed sheepishly in his pockets. His brow wrinkled.

“It’s fine,” he answered softly, still searching his son’s face. “How’s Henry?”

Bae… Neal, shrugged, glancing briefly at the cot on the other end of the ship. “Fine. He’s still asleep. Regina said he should wake up soon, though.”

His shoulders didn’t relax any, so neither did Gold’s. That Henry was alright should’ve cheered his boy up. Something else had to be wrong. 

He shuffled closer, risking only a few steps lest he make his son uncomfortable. He’d held him once already, he could wait longer if that was what Neal needed. “And Emma?”

It was Neal’s turn to look confused. “Good. Should she not be?” 

“No, no.” His hands twirled, the gesture meant to look nonchalant but coming off nervous like he actually was instead. “I just… if there isn’t a problem, why did you come to see me?”

His son’s eyes fell to their feet again. He almost seemed guilty, as if it was his fault that there was no other logical reason to seek out his father. There had to be something he could say, anything to wipe that look from Neal’s face, but he beat him to the punch.

“Nothing like that,” he murmured. “I, uh, I actually wanted to ask you something.”

Gold blinked. “Of course. Anything you want to know, son.” 

Awkward still, Neal nodded and, finally, took the final step towards the railing. 

“It’s about something Henry told me,” he started. “A while ago. Before all this crap happened.”

“Something about me,” he intoned. It was hard not to panic – the little prince was far more observant than either of his parents (or grandparents, for that matter) – but he attempted all the same. It wouldn’t help him any to accept blame for something he didn’t even know about.

Neal nodded. “Yeah. He said… well, he told me you could see the future.” He stepped closer again, even more carefully than before, and rested his hand next to his. “Is it true?”

Gold’s spine went rigid. This wasn’t a question he’d been expecting. And certainly not one he could understand.

He took a deep breath and faced his boy.

“It’s true,” he said stiffly. “I can. Not as well as I’d like to, perhaps, but I see enough to piece together an idea of what’s going to happen.”

“What do you mean?” his son asked curiously.

“Well, the future isn’t just a single, linear picture. It’s wrapped in possibility, potential outcomes. It’s my job to weed all of them apart and pick the one that will actually happen.” He released a short, humorless laugh. “That was the first complaint I made after I got the power, in actual fact. The woman I took the power from wasn’t particularly good at explaining that little setback to me.”

Neal chewed on the inside of his cheek. He sighed, turning away from him. He shouldn’t have brought up the Seer. Not was obvious that that was what Neal wanted to know about. He wanted to know how his father, the great and powerful Dark One, had gained the ability to see the future where before he did not. He wanted to know if his father was the one who’d prophesized that Henry would be his undoing.

Steeling himself, he leaned forward on the railing, trying to look nonchalant when all he felt was sick.

“You want to know how I got the power, then. Who I killed to get it.”

Even out of the corner of his eye, he could see his son’s brow furrow in confusion, his head twitching slightly the side. Rumple bit his cheek, a dull ache overshadowing any confusion he might have felt for himself – he didn’t know his boy had kept that little mannerism over the years. 

“No. I… that’s not what I wanna hear about.”

He took a step back, eyeing his son bemusedly. “It isn’t? I… I thought –”

“That I’d want to hear more about all the evil deals you got into?” Neal interrupted. He huffed, and looked at his father again with apologetic eyes. “No. I’m not looking for a reason to blame you. We’re okay now, or trying to be.”

A swell of something surprisingly like happiness filled Gold’s chest. He wanted to give into it, to hold his boy and tell him that yes, they were going to be okay, that he’d never leave him again nor let any more harm come to him. But Bae shuffled from foot to foot, eyes fixed worriedly on his own, and he forced himself to bite back his selfish need for affection. His son wanted to know something. And despite his own curiosity at what that something might be, he was going to answer. 

Nodding slightly, just enough that his son would know he was read, Gold encouraged him to continue. The soft, nervous smile he received in return was more than worth it. Until Neal gulped, and stared down once more at his feet.

“You can see the future,” he repeated. “You can see things that might happen, and things that will happen. So, I just wanted to know, in any version of it… did you ever see me forgiving you?”

There was nothing funny about that question. Nothing even the least bit humorous. But Gold found it difficult not to laugh, however mirthlessly it would’ve been. His son was the only thing he’d ever wanted to know about when he took the Seer’s eyes. And, as fate would have it, the only person who’s future he could never grasp. Not that his imagination hadn’t tried to fill in the blanks for him. He imagined that he would search fruitlessly for years and years, slowly withering away until he was nothing but dust. He imagined that he would find his boy, only to see him as an old man, senile and sad and much too lost to remember even having a father. He imagined his son’s grave, and the pain of knowing that he’d come to the right place but just a few years too late. And, in those happy moments when Belle lit up his world, he let himself imagine that his boy would see him, and run to him, and hold him tight and never let go. He imagined they could be a family again. 

But he never Saw any of it. 

He shook his head. “No. I can’t say that I did.” 

Neal’s breath left him in a low whoosh. “Why did you keep looking for me, then? If you didn’t think I would forgive you… why did you try?” 

Gold looked at his boy incredulously. “You don’t know?”

He shook his head furiously, eyes full of the same, wondering sadness Rumplestiltskin had grown so used to seeing when he was boy. His heart chilled, frozen cold enough to shatter at a moment’s notice. He still didn’t know. Three-hundred years of desperation, and his son still didn’t know how much he meant to him.

“I wasn’t looking for forgiveness,” he choked. “I wasn’t looking for anything. It was never about me. You were lost out there, thinking you had a father who didn’t love you and chose power over his own boy. And I just wanted you to know that that was a lie. Not about me choosing power over you, because I did. I did, and I will never forgive myself for that. Much less do I expect you to. But I didn’t want you to think I didn’t love you.” 

He hung his head, biting his lip to keep the tears at bay. His son had seen him cry enough, had seen him pathetic and weeping more times than he ever should have. That wasn’t an embarrassment, a burden, he would add to his shoulders. 

“I’m a selfish man. I thought, if we went to this new world without magic, I’d be just another peasant with a hobbled foot. I didn’t want to go back to that, even if it was what was best for you. But, more than that, I was scared. I was so scared, Bae. The last time I went through a portal, my father gave me up so he would never grow old. He gave me up so I couldn’t distract him from what he wanted. And I knew that I’d make the same mistake, because I’ve never been a good father to you. I’m such a coward, son. And I wanted you to know that. I wanted you to know you could blame me, and hate me, and whatever else you needed to get through what happened. I didn’t want you to think it was your fault because I didn’t love you. I don’t want forgiveness, son. I just wanted you to know how much I love you. That’s all I’ve wanted to say for years – that I love you. I’ve always loved –”

Strong arms wrapped around his shoulders, cutting him off as they tugged him in. Gold’s words suffocated in his throat, and the tears he’d fought so hard to fight back broke loose. When his son, his Baelfire, rested his head on his neck, though, covering his bared skin with heat and stickiness, he knew he wasn’t the only one crying. 

“I love you, too,” he whimpered, the words short and taut as he tried to hide his tears. “I didn’t want to sometimes, but I did.”

It didn’t matter that he was a head shorter than his boy and much thinner besides – he wrapped his own arms around him like he had when he was a child, and held him close. For a minute, they were just a poor spinner and his son. They were all they had left in this world, and Gold couldn’t be happier. 

But then he let go, coughing as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve, and he realized he’d been wrong. His boy was a man now. A strong, wonderful man who’d put his life on the line more times than anyone else Gold could think of. A man with a family of his own. They weren’t the only ones who cared about each other anymore. They weren’t alone. And that was better than anything he could’ve foreseen. 

Neal coughed again, finally managing to choke back his emotions, and looked him in the eye.

“When we get back,” he rasped, “we’re gonna start over. I’m going to tell you everything I felt over the last couple hundred years, and… you’re gonna tell me everything else.” 

Bae took his hand in both of his, holding it close to his heart. The tears didn’t come again, but his smile did. There was no trick this time, no illusion created by his mind or someone else. His son still loved him. And he knew, without a doubt now, that his father loved him, too.  
Gold grinned a little more brightly, and settled back against the railing with his son, watching as the other passengers on the ship ambled about. He’d never thought this place would feel like home. But with his son’s forgiveness – something he’d never thought he would earn – it was more home to him than anywhere else had ever been.


End file.
